Spiritual Copy Demo
See For Yourself The Powerful &
Soulful Impact Of Spiritual Copy…
My good friend, Ned Horner, is a phenomenal musician… but he’s not a marketer or copywriter. Take a look as I transform his offer for violin lessons from a weak “desperate plea” to a powerful position as the only viable option…
Re-write appears below, followed by a video explanation…
Violin / Viola Lessons from a Master Teacher
Express your inner intuition and natural talent as you learn to play and master one of the most expressive instruments ever invented…
Dear Neighbor:
I’m inviting you to join me on an exciting and rewarding journey… and also a very challenging one. You see, learning to play and master an instrument is an adventure in personal growth and exploration—at least, if you have the right teacher.
The right teacher can help you find and hone your talent as you grow in your musical expression…
While the wrong teacher can suck the life and passion right out of your soul.
That’s why it’s critically important to choose a teacher who not only has the experience, talent, and credentials… but still has that passion and adventurous spirit which is at the heart and soul of every true artist.
My name is Ned Horner. And I have a very deep passion for playing and teaching two of the most beautifully expressive instruments ever invented: the violin and viola.
I have 20 years experience and a Master of Music degree in Performance (from DePaul University in Chicago). I’ve played in prestigious orchestras like the Civic Orchestra of Chicago, where I sat under the direction of Daniel Barenboim and Pierre Boulez. And I’m currently the assistant conductor, and principle second violinist of the Columbia Civic Orchestra.
But what’s more important is my heart-felt desire to teach the instruments I love to those willing to learn. For that reason, I keep enough room in my schedule to teach a total of 15 students.
If you’d like to learn or improve your skills—or would like me to teach your child—I invite you to fill out the form below to schedule an introductory lesson.
Your investment depends on the length of each lesson, how many lessons you wish to have per month, and where we meet (your home or my studio). A 30-minute introductory lesson costs just $30 at my place… or $40 at yours.
I look forward to meeting you and sharing the love and joy of music!
Yours truly,
Ned Horner
Violinist / Violist / Conductor
P.S. I’m looking only for the right students who are ready and willing to learn. If you (or your child) would like to be considered for one of my 15 spots—if there is still room available—then simply fill out the form below and I’ll be in touch with you soon.
Behind-The-Scenes Explanation:
Explore more about Spiritual Copy…
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
Nice work Aaron. Great lesson on positioning, communicating passion, and scarcity.
Al
Amazing improvement. It really engages the emotion and you can feel the benefits.
Hi Aaron
Great blog!
Yes the rewrite is a vast improvement however, old advice from an old guy, never start sales letters / advertisements with yourself… “I’m”… no no no! Start with the prospect. I also think it is too long (prospects have a very short attention span… the first ten words and all that). So perhaps the opening sentence could be “Your professional help – shine as a violinist” (actually I don’t like that either, just off the top of my head, however at least the customer is first, as quick a demo). The phrase “and also a very challenging one’… nope they don’t want to be challenged they want to overcome the obvious challenge easily.
As I said, love your blog very interesting Ric (ex Creative Director and lifetime copywriter)
Hi Ric:
Thank you for your comments & suggestions. As for keeping the focus on the prospect, not on yourself, I completely agree with you… but I wouldn’t go so far as to make it a cardinal rule never to start with the word “I”. Depends on the context.
In this case, for example, the focus is actually on the reader, despite starting with “I’m”–”I’m inviting YOU on an exciting & rewarding journey.” It is the reader (“you”) that is being invited. That can perhaps be “tweaked” a bit more. (I took about an hour to write this.) But sometimes “good enough” is “good enough”. As writers, there is ALWAYS room for improvement.
Regarding the phrase “and also a very challenging one.” You have to know the mindset of your target prospect. As a classically trained musician, I can tell you that great musicians REVEL in the challenge. It is the challenge that draws people, “hooks” them in, and keeps them going. The greater the challenge, the greater the reward. Musical development is all about meeting and surpassing an ongoing series of challenges.
Had I been promoting guitar or drum lessons, the story would be quite different. I’d completely agree with you. Different mindset there. But for those interested in violin or viola (classical music), the opportunity for a challenge is a draw. That phrase has to be in there. (And if it is parents reading this, they WANT their children to be challenged–particularly if they’re gifted, as most young classical musicians are.)
As for length, this is actually pretty short. The thing to remember is… people read a great deal, and long copy still works–but ONLY if it is interesting and engaging, and is directly relevant to your prospect.
Hi again,
Yes I take your point and see your logic, very interesting, hopefully shows I’m never too old to learn something. I must admit the challenge of gaining attention through the written word is something that continually excites (and often mystifies) me.
Ric :-)
Joshua,
Thanks for demonstrating how to improve copy by video. I think that’s a great teaching technique. You are definitely a skilled copywriter.
Rodney